Thoughts on the Throne (Ep. 410)
Here we are. What some are calling the best finale in Game of Throne’s run so far. I don’t agree, but it was a crazy, bombshell-laden episode. Let’s get into it, shall we?
410 “The Children”
I’m no great tactician, but if Mag the Mighty was from such an important bloodline of giants, how about not putting him on the frontlines, there, Mance?
Mance Rayder gets a “fail” for diplomacy. I’m happy we got the battle at Castle Black, but descending on the Wall for purposes of migration and asylum are wayyy easier to swallow than “open the gate or I’m bringing my cannibalistic rape apes to terrorize your kingdom” (I’m paraphrasing).
“Hey Guys, Mance was just playing around. Can him and the Thenns stay over?”
Someone tell Smithers Ser Davos that there is a fine line between proud support and sycophancy.
Tormund just knew Ygritte loved Jon because of her numerous declarations of wanting to murder him. Yes, because the man that fucked a bear is to be trusted in matters of the heart.
In what world is it a good idea to make the Mountain even more formidable? You know what happens when you revive and enhance a 7ft-plus beast-sized asshole? You get an even bigger asshole.
“Do me a favor and hand me that Josef Mengele Medicine for Dummies volume, would you?”
Jaime and Cersei hit us with the Twincest ver. 2.0 to remind everyone that even if it isn’t a seemingly non-consensual bout of coitus in front of a dead teenager, it’s still creepy as shit.
Tywin got an earful of Cersei’s bold brother-loving confession. And I don’t even think she was drunk when she did it! Progress?
Really though, it has to be an ongoing inside joke that Daenerys’ list of titles gets longer each time she’s presented at court. Is the actress that plays Missandei freestyling and ad-libbing to try and make the on set cast laugh? Did GRRM demand each title be said each take in the contract? Was Daenerys named by Capcom?
So, the mortal enemies of dragons are goats and 3 year old children? Got it.
Hated to see Viserion and Rhaegal locked away like that. One minute you’re snacking on carcasses and the next, your mom is putting you on punishment. No TV, no telephone, no sunlight, no sky to fly in. If I see Dany having fun in the next few episodes, then she is no better than the chick that leaves her kids at her mom’s house so she can hit the club worry-free.
“Mom! Moooom! This is such b.s., we didn’t even eat any kids (this week)!!”
Man, Wights are dicks!
If you are going to keep pulling an Avatar on Hodor, I’d ask that you at least have an ice cream ready for him for after, Bran. More MVP-level work here of Hodor snatching a skeletal wight by the eye sockets and ripping it apart. Bad-ass.
Oh, was Jojen not dead already? I thought this whole time they’d been dragging a corpse around but I guess it was just a sack of poor acting. I can’t call who was more stale, Jojen Reed or the non-plussed Wight that managed to make stabbing someone 80 times look boring.
“Aahhhh!!! Who’s going to state the obvious and contribute little-to-nothing now?!”
WTF..The Three-Eyed Raven is an old guy in a Weirwood tree guarded by dirty kids with molotovs? OK, I’m listening, GRRM…
Q: What’s more disconcerting, a home invasion or an AIDS diagnosis? A: Neither, it’s Melissandre giving you the hungry eyes from the across the flames of a massive funeral pyre of dead brothers-in-arms.
If the Westerosi named their privates like they do their blades, Melissandre’s would be “Dragon’s Maw.”
Brienne took a kick to the lady junk like a pro and still bested the Hound. The showdown between her and Sandor was brutal and fantastic. Fitting way for the Hound to go out, I’d say. Trying to piss Arya off enough to mercy kill him didn’t work and now he has to sit there alone with his festering wounds and exposed femur and think about what he’s done. Tsk tsk.
“Man…I f–ked up, huh?”
Arya displayed the most hardcore ice-grill EVAR. Now she’s (hopefully) going to hook up with Jaqen and get some more killing in. When she reached for the coin, I yelled “Valar Morghulis!!!” like an over-enthusiastic child. I’m allowed. This is Game of Thrones, yo.
If you’re a woman scorned in a strange land where you just helped condemn your former lover to death, just leave town. For God’s sake, don’t fuck your ex’s father. Or at the very least, don’t wear dangly jewelry. I imagine the ghost of Joffrey has something to say to uncle Tyrion about his standing for the crown in the whore-killing Olympics.
I’m going to miss the hell out of Charles Dance’s acting on this show, but as far as Tywin Lannister goes; when you organize gang-rape train parties on your daughter-in-law and the butchering of a family at a wedding, you kinda deserve to die sitting in your own shit.
#SorryNotSorry
Varys knew what time it was upon hearing the pope bells. Are we going to now get a Varys and Tyrion team-up? The most odd of couples in Essos? I can’t wait.
The Buddha has spoken.
