Thoughts on the Throne (Ep. 408)
Welcome to “Thoughts on the Throne.” Here, I provide cheeky commentary (read: gospel) and speculation on episodes of everyone’s favorite show, “Game of Thrones.” This week, I take on “The Mountain and the Viper”…and what a week to start!
*Please be forewarned, I discuss anything and everything of interest in each episode, so there are abundant spoilers.*
408 “The Mountain and the Viper”
Mole’s Town has got to be the most depressing whorehouse in the North. Are they selling sex or broken dreams?
Who wants to place bets on the Jon/Ygritte reunion? When she sees him, will she lovingly plug him with arrows again or punch him in the face before kissing him like she missed him (#tropes)?
I’m confused as to why Sam chose to leave Gilly in Mole’s Town in the first place. Surely Westeros has a “Home for Wayward Girls and Unwed Mothers” She could win over the other girls with her can-do attitude and illiteracy. A place where they can bond over choreographed dance numbers revolving around household chores. Like “Annie,” but with snow, chamber pots and incest babies.
Slave masters were just nailed to highway signs in front of him and Drogo had the would-be wine assassin dragged behind horses. Jorah is a former slaver and noted betrayer, what did he think would happen?. Dany let him off super easy. Now he’s got no home in Essos or Westeros. Way to win back that Mormont glory and make amends with Jeor.
In other “what else did you expect?” happenings, Theon stared at that flayed soldier as if the Boltons would actually let them go free. He also looked like he didn’t think he was about to be sleeping in cages and peeing sitting down again once they returned to the Dreadfort.
Before his next freakout, Theon should replace his “Reek. Reek. Always Reek” mantra with something a little more inspirational.
Roose Bolton always looks like shit. Even Ramsay has gotten a shave on-camera. Roose could’ve maybe gotten a slightly hotter Frey to marry had he worn a smile and whatever the purple label equivalent of Westerosi chain mail is.
Ramsay Bolton is official now. What can the Seven Kingdoms tell Ramsay? Not shit! What do you give the psychopath with everything? A bigger castle to skin people in. That man is about to be on his worst behavior. WORST!
It would be good if the first stop on Robin’s arrested development-breaking tour of the Vale was the bloodstained rocks under the Moon Door. Let the first lesson be that you do indeed have to break a few eggs (er, people) to make a flying omelette.
Anyone notice the way Littlefinger is committed to the creeplife? He leers at Sansa like a crackhead at the gas station who knows you have change because he just saw you pay for an orange Sunkist with a $5 bill.
Sansa…The lies are strong in this one. Hopefully what we’re seeing is her coming out, so-to-speak. So far, her only superpower has been withstanding emotional and physical abuse. Episode one of the entire series let us know (via Septa and Cersei) that Sansa is a beast with the needlework, but I’d never have guessed she’d pull a dirty Scarlet O’Hara and sew up something scandalous. What curtain did she use for that extra-low neckline?
Missandei, get a confirmation on the pillar and stones before catching the vapors and pulling a peep show. The romance between Grey Worm and Missandei is sweet and all, but where could it possibly be heading?
Sandor is going to die from that festering neck wound, isn’t he? Or not. I can never tell with GRRM’s writing where things are going.
Poor Arya; aside from small victories in the form of revenge killings along the way, at this point her travels must feel like “Groundhog Day 2: Everyone’s Dead.”
As I write this, I am filled with sadness. Sad that Prince Oberyn will never grace us with his flyness again. Sad that he won’t stab another Lannister. Sad that he’ll never again trade “I am going to ravage you” glances with the pretty ladies and gents of Westeros.
Oberyn’s teeth hit the stones like so many chiclets, his eyes gouged out and his head crushed like a melon. Soo not cool, GRRM.I’m not sure which sight was worse, Oberyn’s skull giblets or Cersei’s expression. She was so pleased she looked as if she had a third blonde brother with two hands she could bang.
Also, “SAY IT! You raped her! Murdered her! Killed her children!!!” Holds wayyyy more gravity than a brief intro/threat to a man with six fingers. Fall back, Inigo Montoya.
P.S. Where the hell are Gendry and Osha (and Rickon)?
The Buddha has spoken.